Promiscuous Girl

Recently, I got into a heated discussion with a straight friend of mine. She was trying to casually and lackadaisically suggest that it was time for me to grow-up. While probing her ('probing' might be too soft of a term; it was more like a targeted inquest than a casual query) about what she meant, I came to the insight that she was trying to refer to my sex life. (DISCLAIMER: I met this friend at Bible College and am, most likely, her only friend outside of that reclusive-like environment. I love my friend, but I take most of her advice with a grain of clear-headed sensibility. And while she might consider my behavior *slutty*, I refuse to label myself as such.) I can be a tad-bit promiscuous and I feel no shame in admitting that. I don't have a girlfriend or a venereal disease, so I feel no ethical distress in fucking whoever I want, whenever I want.

While I don't agree with my friend's view, I understand where her thought-process originated from. I have been vocal about the fact that I want to be a wife and a mom, and in a rudimentary way of thinking, if those are the things that I value, then promiscuity doesn't tend to be the path that leads to those things. However, in a more all-encompassing picture, I enjoy being single, like REALLY enjoy being single, and while I would love to have a wife and kids someday, that day is certainly not today. My desire to eventually have a family doesn't invalidate my present-day desire to get laid; and I don't think that those two desires contradict themselves.

It's not just my religious friends, either. I feel like there is a double-standard. That because I can name everyone on the Supreme Court or I can draw you a map of Middle Eastern geography, that I'm not supposed to be promiscuous. That it would be totally fine for me to be *easy* if I was a hot, leggy blond in the entertainment business, but because I'm a well-read, witty brunette in the publishing business, I should be able to control myself. OR it would be fine for me to be promiscuous if my promiscuity was the result of something; like heartbreak or mommy issues or religious repression. (Okay...I was religiously repressed, but my promiscuity isn't the result of that repression. I'm sure of it.) But none of those things ring true for me, so my loose views on sex are interpreted as immature behaviors that shouldn't represent who I am as a woman. I say: Bullshit! I say: Who cares if I find women alluring and then decide to act on that allure. (I think that my Post-Prop8 frustration might be reincarnating itself in this topic.)It's just sex and there is nothing wrong with enjoying it...and just because I don't have a steady partner, doesn't mean I should enjoy sex less than the person who does.

My life is often one big anxiety-fest, so when an element of my life becomes reposed or nonchalant, I embrace it for all that it's worth, because that feeling doesn't come around very often for me. Sex has become one of those things. In all honesty, I don't know how it happened; I don't know how I became able to separate sexual attraction from whole attraction or the act of sex from the materialization of love...it kind of just happened. But am I supposed to apologize for it just because people don't understand it or can't actualize it in their own life or because they think that it's a below par way to act as a woman?