I often use my lesbianism as an excuse to invalidate my opinion in embarrassing or unsettling situations. I don't like confrontation, nor do I like to look confused, so I blame it on my homosexuality; when in reality, being a lesbian has nothing to do with my bewilderment of the situation. If I am having a difficult time grasping where someone is coming from, yet their opinion is doing no damage to themselves or anyone else, I'll throw down my lesbian trump card and the conversation is over. If I don't agree with someone else's life choice, yet I foresee no arguable reason why it would be the wrong choice for them, I'll keep my thoughts to myself through means of my "dyke-centric thought process" alibi. (I will absolutely speak up if their opinion or life choice is marginalizing, biased, unthoughtful, or just plain stupid; however, if it is harmless, I'll leave it to be.)When I went to see Sex and the City with a group of girlfriends, I was certain that my friends would have hated the movie as much as I did. I was wrong. They all loved it, and they loved that Carrie ended up with Big. When asked my opinion, I muttered something like "How could anybody be happy marrying someone so hairy?... but I guess that's one more reason why I'm thankful to be a lesbian." When two very manly male study partners of mine asked me who I would pick to date, I said, "I like girls, so I'm going to pick whichever one of you is more girly... Do you still want me to answer that question?" When a straight friend of mine told me that she was moving to Alaska for a job, I said something like "I would never move there cause it's cold and I have a difficult enough time as it is getting girls to take off their clothes when it's not freezing, but boys aren't like that, so I'm sure you'll be fine."
I have a friend that graduated from the prestigious school that is NYU and my said friend never fails to share this fact about his life when trying to validate an argument he's making. Whenever we discuss politics or social issues, he throws his degree on the table as if it is a trump card and his opinion is more sanctioned than my non-degreed opinion. He should be proud of his degree and I don't doubt that he worked hard for it; however, he majored in dance. You can't use your degree to weight a political argument, when your degree is in dance. If we are talking about Martha Graham or where to place your arms in a pirouette, I will absolutely give him free reign to trump the conversation; but when we are talking about Fannie and Freddie or Feminism, his degree doesn't mean shit to me.
I have come to the realization that I do this same thing, just reversed. Being a lesbian doesn't mean shit when it comes to movie reviews and moving locations; yet, I allow it to mean everything. Instead of using my lesbian trump card as a way to validate my thoughts, I use it as a way to invalidate my thoughts, which is way worse. I thought that by always having my lesbian trump card handy, it meant that I was, somehow, more comfortable with my sexuality; in reality, it just shows that I was hiding behind it. It's not that I don't like Big because he's hairy; I don't like Big because he's condescending and doesn't do anything to help Carrie be the best woman she can be. It's not that I thought my friend would have a hard time getting laid in Alaska; it's that I am a bad long-distance friend and she's not a friend I want to lose contact with.
As funny as I might find my lesbian trump card to be, I'm not willing to let humor outrank integrity in my life. I'm not willing to let something that is so important to my identity become a vehicle for avoidance. I cherish being a lesbian; I feel lucky that I get to fall in love with/sleep with girls and that I get to be a part of, what I consider to be, a fantastic community. I consider my homosexuality to be a gift and I would never treat a material gift with that kind of disregard or indifference; so why do I let myself do it with a symbolic gift? There are times when my lesbian trump card is effective; like when two boys want my opinion on who is hotter or when my opinion will do more damage than good. However, when it is used as an avoidance tactic, it drains the moral fiber out of something that I really treasure. I am not willing to let my lesbianism be anything less than it can be, so I am going be more selective when dishing out my lesbian trump card from now on.
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