Portland is home to a lot of great things; the country's greatest doughnut shop, the largest number of microbreweries per capita, the first vegan strip joint, and the world's largest independent bookstore. (Baked goods, beer, boobies, and books...What more could a good homosexual girl ask for?)Powell's, Portland's famous bookstore, spans an entire city block and boasts to having over 4 million books in their inventory, including a fantastic collection of GLBT publications. I was perusing this particular section of Powell's the other day, in search of a book that would offer a VERY young girl the perspective that it wasn't wrong to welcome same-sex thoughts, when I came to a realization...all the books that offer advice or comfort about the coming out process are about sex, or at least include sex as a prominent part of the sexual identification process. This girl is barely a teenager; she doesn't need to know how to perform cunnilingus, she needs to know that she can be happy passing notes to a girl or holding a girl's hand at the movies.
Recently, I had this discussion with my mother. My mother is dating a man who believes that homosexuality is a choice. In relaying a conversation the two of them had about this topic to me, she very quickly asserted that she "stood up for gay people, without a second thought."
"I told him that you don't get to choose your desires or thoughts. The only thing you get to choose is the action. The action is the only point you get to argue"
"You mean sex?" I replied.
"Well, yeah," she said. "You can choose to be celibate or not."
"So if you're celibate it doesn't count? You're only gay if you're having gay sex?"
It is never my intention to place judgment, on my mom or her boyfriend or anyone for that matter, but I think that it's bananas that, in the dominant thought process, being gay is so directly, almost synonymously, linked with having gay sex. There is a great quote by Boy George that says, "There's this illusion that homosexuals have sex and heterosexuals fall in love. That's completely untrue. Everybody wants to be loved." I love gay sex just as much, if not more, than the next carpet muncher, but gay sex isn't everything. I have certainly gone months upon months without participating in gay sex, and I wasn't less of a homosexual in those months. I came out to my parents before partaking in the joys of lesbian finger banging and I definitely didn't feel the need to re-come out after I had done so. I'll tell you a secret: sex is one of the greatest parts about being gay, but it's not everything...so, why do our bookshelves suggest that it is.
It is beyond fantastic that lesbian literature is about empowering woman with the tools (instructional books), ideas (erotica, real life stories), and comfort (memoirs, lesbian fiction) to know that lesbian sex is just as normal/fulfilling/great as straight sex...but what if you're not ready or want more. What section of the bookstore do you turn to then?
1 comment:
Steph, once again you hit the nail on the head with a lesbian hammer blow. Your right what section do you go to....none is the answer.
Look I've been gay longer then Jesus has been around lololol...or baby Jesus whatever the case and it was hard for me to put my finger on it or in it so I get what you’re saying.
Back in the day coming out meant hiding out more then anything but I blew them out of the water by just snagging all the straight girls I could just to prove a point that I could convert most of them and that they had it in them the whole time….lolol. I just went for it all the time. My friends nicknamed me, the Converter, hahhaha they still call me that…those nut cases.
I thought why hide when I can be whatever I want…I never cared what anyone thought. I just told people this is who I am if you don’t like it f**k off and die.
If I had to give you advice it would be this...be who you are, never change your ideals for anyone, stick to your guns and gay women fall in love like or counter parts the straight ones lolol or as I like to refer to them the not so straight ones….98% gay and 2% straight that’s my stats….lol.
It will sort itself out trust me. One day your going to look back like me and think holy f**k balls I've slept with allot of women....who dumped they're BF b/c they finally figured out what side of the fence they should have been on in the first place.
You and I are way luckier then these women swaying back and fourth....in the, am I in or am I out world of being who they are.
I truly admire you and I know you’re a force to reckon with so stay strong and be as gay as possible.....more power to you. Love is for ever one who wants to have love touch them from the inside out……it’s going to hit you one day like a hammer I know this.
Hugs
JBxo
Sorry I know this comment is really long...hahahhaah..I'm such a lesbo.
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