**I tried to write something funny this week, but everything I wrote was forced and insincere. There must be something in the air...maybe it's because it's January and all the New Year’s Resolutions are still lingering in the brainwaves, maybe it's the reflection that has come with our historic inauguration of change (aka President Obama), or maybe it's because when it gets cold outside we (I refuse to believe that I'm the only single lesbian that does this) neglect the non-fictional world that sits right outside our front door and cuddle up inside with (liquored-up) coffee and stimulating books. (I have been reading a lot of memoirs lately...reading a story about how other people have lived their life inevitably brings anyone to that unavoidable stage of reflection.) Whatever it might be, the funny just wasn't/isn't there...so, it’s another week of reflective rumination on my lesbian life. (Next weekend I'm being set up with a much older lady by my very straight and conservative friend, who believes that every time she meets a less-than liberal lesbian, the said lesbian must be the perfect lesbian for me...these set-ups are usually disastrous...I will most likely have something funny to write about next week.)**I love women! I love everything about them. I love how one minute they can be sweet and considerate, then the next minute they're pissed and hostile, and then in the next minute they're witty and playful. I love the glow that you see in a woman's eyes right after she has done something empowering or something that has involved an extraordinary amount of strength. I love how expressive women's mannerisms can be and how when you know a woman really well her mannerisms are all you need to see to understand exactly how she's really feeling. I love the way that women play with their hands when they're nervous. I love the shape a woman's face takes when she's learning something for the first time. I love how when you meet a compassionate woman, you can see that compassion run through every vein in her body. I love that women have the capacity to be gentle and strong at the exact same moment.
I could go on for days, but all of this is not to be confused with my self-declaration for lesbianism; I loved women far before I knew that I was a lesbian. The authentic admiration that I possess for women has little to do with my desire to see them naked.
Nobody was surprised when I came out, and not just because I wear sensible shoes or know how to fix...anything, but because I have always relished in any chance I got to be around a woman. I assumed that my fascination with women stemmed from a place of inspiration and awe, and while I now understand that it was more than that, I don't think that my homosexual realization takes away from the genuineness that I felt towards women. I've always surrounded myself by really strong women, and all in the hopes that their strength would somehow rub off on me. I ate up (hey-oh) any book that I could find about empowered women and when I came across a woman that possessed a personality trait that I, myself, wanted to maintain, I would make sure that I was in her company; I would notice how that woman approached situations, I would ask her questions, and I would emulate all of her movements...thus, I've had really amazing female role models in my life.
Here's comes the reflective rumination that I was talking about earlier. My ability to pick strong and empowering female role models hasn't seemed to translate into an ability to pick strong and empowering girlfriends. When the potential to get to know a woman also involves the potential for an orgasm, all of my sound judgement about women goes out the window. I had good judgement in women before I knew that I was a lesbian and now I'm having a difficult time shifting that judgement into romantic lesbian endeavours. I don't want to be the kind of lesbian that over thinks every dating choice AND I want to be a woman of intention...I usually follow my "go-with-the-flow" behavior, until I wake up a week later and think, "What are you doing? You know that this is not the girl for you."
After twenty-two years of strict sexual repression, sex can become a considerable hang-up in a unseasoned lesbian's life. There's a thin line between having an intentionality about sex and not letting sex become a massive preoccupation to your love life. I'm not really one for rules, I find them limiting and claustrophobic, but I've decided to institute this rule about sex. When I meet a girl that I'm attracted to emotionally and intellectually, I'm going to wait until at least the second date to fuck her; now this isn't to say I'm going to throw out ONSs or women who come into my life for the pure and simple reason of sex, but if it's a woman that engages more than my carnality, then I'm going to wait. At least for now.
P.S. If you're a writer or want to be a writer or like to read about writing, I'm going to recommend a book that I read this week...It's one of the best books I've read about writing and I've read a lot of books about writing. Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott...check it out.
Nobody was surprised when I came out, and not just because I wear sensible shoes or know how to fix...anything, but because I have always relished in any chance I got to be around a woman. I assumed that my fascination with women stemmed from a place of inspiration and awe, and while I now understand that it was more than that, I don't think that my homosexual realization takes away from the genuineness that I felt towards women. I've always surrounded myself by really strong women, and all in the hopes that their strength would somehow rub off on me. I ate up (hey-oh) any book that I could find about empowered women and when I came across a woman that possessed a personality trait that I, myself, wanted to maintain, I would make sure that I was in her company; I would notice how that woman approached situations, I would ask her questions, and I would emulate all of her movements...thus, I've had really amazing female role models in my life.
Here's comes the reflective rumination that I was talking about earlier. My ability to pick strong and empowering female role models hasn't seemed to translate into an ability to pick strong and empowering girlfriends. When the potential to get to know a woman also involves the potential for an orgasm, all of my sound judgement about women goes out the window. I had good judgement in women before I knew that I was a lesbian and now I'm having a difficult time shifting that judgement into romantic lesbian endeavours. I don't want to be the kind of lesbian that over thinks every dating choice AND I want to be a woman of intention...I usually follow my "go-with-the-flow" behavior, until I wake up a week later and think, "What are you doing? You know that this is not the girl for you."
After twenty-two years of strict sexual repression, sex can become a considerable hang-up in a unseasoned lesbian's life. There's a thin line between having an intentionality about sex and not letting sex become a massive preoccupation to your love life. I'm not really one for rules, I find them limiting and claustrophobic, but I've decided to institute this rule about sex. When I meet a girl that I'm attracted to emotionally and intellectually, I'm going to wait until at least the second date to fuck her; now this isn't to say I'm going to throw out ONSs or women who come into my life for the pure and simple reason of sex, but if it's a woman that engages more than my carnality, then I'm going to wait. At least for now.
P.S. If you're a writer or want to be a writer or like to read about writing, I'm going to recommend a book that I read this week...It's one of the best books I've read about writing and I've read a lot of books about writing. Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott...check it out.
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