Stickel, Out!

It might be more than obvious to the six people who have (graciously) stuck with me over the last year and a half, but this blog, which was once an integral part of my life, is no longer a central point in my existence. There are many reasons as to why my literary absence prevailed over my literary diligence, but I assure you that it is (was) not without intention.

"Start at the beginning." says the March Hare to Alice as she stumbles into the Mad Hatter's unbirthday party...and who is to argue with such genius.

Growing up, my life was one of emotional abandonment. It was a rarity that I found company in my corner. People didn't go out of their way to believe in me.* In reality, I was passively viewed as inanimate to the people who cared about me most. (There are some who believe this to be a mere representation of my perspective, that it is not a genuine fact of validity, but those people are self-preservingly mistaken; I stood alone when I stood up for myself.) While a childhood riddled with emotional abandonment could have lead to many things; for me, it lead to early-onset individuality. Almost wondrously, and certainly through no intention of my own, I learned how to emotionally and externally believe in myself. And I did so through self-created channels in which I found refuge and fortitude.

When I created "LEZ give 'em something to talk about..." nearly four years ago, it was for a lot of reasons. I wanted to feel a connection to something outside of myself, I believed that I had something important to offer, and I, egocentrically, needed to create something that provided me with a sense of routine and grounding. Yet, beyond all the catalystic intentions that brought me to this blog, there was something more essential. After an excruciatingly dark time in my life, I found refuge in myself, and as that refuge turned into fortitude, that fortitude brought about the realization that I was (am) a homosexual. It was through this blog that my sapphic realization became something I could believe in, something that I could affirmatively stand behind, or stand for.

The ritual of this blog's intellectual intercourse became a stronghold for me, but I'm no longer that same person, and thus the return to this specific domain became fraudulent and imitation-like. (Two things I am not willing to be.)

This last week, Stephanie Stickel ceased to exist. There are many reasons as to why I choose to remove the patriarchal surname that I have possessed for the past twenty-six years and replace it was another; none of which are extraordinary, nor particularly enlightened. Suffice it to say, a new chapter has begun and thus a new blog. You can find me at "Homocidal Tendencies" from now on.**

Good Riddance Stephanie Stickel.

*I do not wish to invalidate the few: a youth pastor, a creative writing teacher, a dance instructor. The strength those few exerted onto me was introspectively priceless.
**This blog will still exist on the interwebs, for I am egotistically proud of what has been written here.